Lockdown and Mum guilt

Lockdown for most of us hasn’t been bed of roses. Most of us have struggled in some way, shape or form but as the changes to lockdown start to unfold I can’t help but feel a little sad for my children, particularly Big who is five (and half as he regularly reminds us).

I feel guilty about the lack of schooling that has been going on at home. We’re both working full time hours with two small children at home so trying to do much schooling has proved challenging.

I feel guilty about the fact that the boys possibly feel that they play second fiddle if we both have work commitments at the same time.

I felt guilty because some days we’re stressed and we’re not as understanding as we could be. Plus our house can get a bit shouty some times (read most days at some point) and I worry we are not setting the boys a good example in managing our emotions. That said we always make sure we apologise if we have been out of line so they understand that we know our behaviour wasn’t acceptable.

Right now though, I feel sad that here in Wales whilst there are changes happening to lockdown we won’t be able to let the boys enjoy these changes as they are too young to understand how to social distance from the people that they love. Here’s where the guilt comes in, I can enjoy the changes being made.

Big has already pointed out to me the inequity of me being able to see my friends if I happen to have bumped into them on a run compared to him, who hasn’t seen his friends now in 10 weeks. Even at five he can see the unfairness of this. But the rub is that at five he doesn’t have the ability to distance himself from his friends if he sees them.

With the change that we can now see people from one other household, outside, at a distance, I can now make time to see my friends in a planned way rather than randomly bumping into them. The boys can’t. I know we’re doing it for their own safety and the safety of others, and it is definitely the right thing to do, but I can’t help but feel a little guilty that I am going to have the ability to do something that Big, in particular, needs as much as me if not more.

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